Barriers to Marital Oneness

Barriers to Marital Oneness

The world does not understand or accept this concept of oneness. They instead live as two independent units. Unfortunately these thoughts and ways have crept into the church.

Any thought, action or habit of dealing with oneself without regard to one's partner counters the design of marriage. Far too often conflict is accepted as normal; competition is common. Note how the signs of division contrasts with the spirit of oneness.

Expressions of Disunity

Have you heard these thoughts expressed before?

When we have wrong concepts of marital 'oneness,' then they will negatively affect the way we live and think. Let's look at four of these distortions in more detail.

(1) Distortion: Oneness is the same as physical union

Some people have not clearly thought through this teaching on oneness and think that oneness only describes physical union. Jesus, however, clearly teaches that 'oneness' describes a couple's marital state rather than their joint activity.

Even when a couple is apart from each other, like one in Canton and the other in Pittsburgh, the two are still one flesh. They are not like a zipper that can be undone but like welding where a third substance melts the original two items into one.² A Christian marriage is fused together by God Himself, thus forming a 'triunity.' ³

(2) Distortion: Oneness in marriage does not apply to unbelievers.

Some Christians ask whether this principle of oneness is applicable to the marriage of unbelievers. If marriage is a spiritual matter, does a couple's oneness depend upon their faith? No. God is involved in the affairs of everybody all the time.

If two people marry, they are still bound by the spiritual laws God built into the world whether they acknowledge them or not. Unbelievers cannot rightly live out the oneness, but they are accountable to it and are blessed to the degree they live by it.

(3) Distortion: Marriage oneness brings automatic blessings.

Others have asked, "Why is it that some non-Christian marriages are better than Christian marriages?" We sadly concur that this sometimes happens. Jesus explained this phenomenon in His closing words of the Sermon on the Mount.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine, and acts upon them, may be compared to a wise man, who built his house upon the rock. "And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock.

"And everyone who hears these words of Mine, and does not act upon them, will be like a foolish man, who built his house upon the sand. "And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and it fell, and great was its fall" (Matthew 7:24-27).

God is not mocked. Whatever a person sows, this he also reaps (see Galatians 6:7). To the degree anyone builds his life, marriage and family upon biblical principles, they shall be strong and flourish. On the other hand, to the degree believers or unbelievers neglect applying biblical principles to their marriage, their marriage will be plagued with problems.

God has given marriage principles for our good. All of God's principles bring blessing and goodness into our lives. Once we better understand this connection between God and His truths, the more we are apt to practice them.

This truth is seen in reverse too. Any couple that insists on fighting and arguing for their own rights and preferences will suffer. Their marriage will turn ugly. They are countering God's truth of oneness.

(4) Distortion: Living together is oneness

More and more people are living together without getting married at all. This wrecks havoc on the couple and the children. First of all we need to realize they are not 'one.' They are not fused together. The two are still the two. This becomes very apparent when we analyze these situations.

Marriage works because of the commitment based on the fact of oneness. 'Living together' is immoral because it is based on meeting one's own needs rather than the other's. We will see the harm this lifestyle brings to children living in such situations below.

Summary

Other religions and philosophies have nothing like this teaching to contribute to the state of marriage. Cultures might have traditions, but they cannot explain why these traditions are important except that they exist. These cultural teachings cannot survive the modern attack on marriage.

The scriptures, however, explain how God has instituted oneness in marriage. This is a trans-cultural teaching because it is a creation ordinance. The oneness between husband and wife then becomes the foundation for the family as it expands its influence by adding children.