Questions and Answers on Single Parenting

– Parenting as a Single Mom or Dad –

Paul J. Bucknell
_________________________

Purpose

Provide practical answers to questions about single parenting, that is, when there is only Mom or Dad there to parent one or more children.

Question on Things to be Aware of

A question came to my mind when I was reading your parenting book. My husband and I are separated.  I am trying to do the best I can to 'discipline' my 3 year old son, but how should I be playing the father's role as well in the mean time? What happens to kids in a single parent family when there is no father role model?

Answer

This is a difficult situation, but with God's help we can do our best in those situations. I grew up in such a situation. My Mom had a hard job managing us four young children. God has His ways of helping those who must rough it through those difficult times if they would trust Him.

The Mom has to be conscious of both roles, Dad and Mom, just as your letter referred to. Like Jesus, one needs to keep the balance of strictness and kindness. Be firm and sweet. (See PPBP Chapter 4, Part A "God is good").

"And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." (John 1:14).

Notice how Jesus was full of kindness and standards (i.e. grace and truth). Don't give up governing the home and yet you must provide for the love and acceptance that children crave.

You might need to discipline but after reconciliation (which should just take minutes), you can promise to play a game with him or her when you are able (make sure you follow this up!). Use a nice excited voice. I still fondly remember the many table games my Mom would play with us when small. Finances were very tight. She was exhausted. But she enjoyed playing games with us.

Pray that God would make up for what you cannot see or do. The Lord is quite willing to step into your family situation and help you parent. This is true not only withsingle parents but all parents. We do not have all what we need! We need His help.

The big challenge is to have the energy and focus to do this. Keep close to the Lord through a daily devotional time. Share your heart and financial needs with Him. Find another godly mother to share life with.

As children grow older, they will go through different stages. Our chart clarifies the changing roles through this time (Principles and Practices of Biblical Parenting, chapter #6). It is very important for you to notice this and observe the changing relationships with him. 

Combine the roles to your best ability and seek God to fill in the gaps. As a single parent you need to provide that sense of governing and authority where you set firm rules and carry them out through discipline. At the same time, you want to keep a close relationship with your children. We only can do this when we stay close to the Lord.

Are there other questions?

Send your questions about single parenting to the email at the bottom of this page. We will do our best to answer the relevant ones.

Biblical Foundations for Freedom ( BFF )

Rev. Paul J. Bucknell