Building a Great Marriage

Life Principle #3: Oneness Forever (Part 6)

Session #4

Paul and Linda J. Bucknell

Index: Faith: #1 Hope | #2 Love | #3 Submission | #4 Oneness
Forgiveness: #5 Conflict | #6 Crises | #7 Forgiveness
Friendship: #8 Intimacy | #9 Trust | #10 Love works!

A) Oneness Forever B) Alternatives? C) Foundation D) Analogy
E) Temptations F) Affirming

Purpose: 'Affirmation of Oneness' is part six (F) of the study of Life Principle #3 on Oneness Forever which includes discussion on the following topics: Affirmations of marital oneness, commitment to oneness, prayers for marital oneness and study questions for marital oneness are provided here.

F) Affirmations of Marital Oneness

Let’s think of some positive ways to affirm oneness. Perhaps you already are doing many of them.

1.)  Commit yourself to never mention or even entertain the thought of divorce or separation of any kind as a possible way out.

2.)   Spend time together. Have a ‘date’ once a week.

3.)   Completely forgive the other for their sins. Don’t harbor bitterness. “Love covers a multitude of sins.”

4.)   Express affection and desire for each other beyond the bedroom.

5.)   Talk together about issues, children and other needs.

6.)   Think through and discuss how you two complement each other.

7.)   Refuse to argue together. Acknowledge differences but then solve problems.

8.)   Pray together regularly. (More than at meal time!)

9.)   Study God’s Word together.

10.) Develop a family vision. (How does God want you as a family to minister in this world?)

Attitudes of Oneness

How can we climb these steps of affirmation? Let me share from my own journey. The principle behind all of these steps mentioned above centers around clearly devoting myself to loving and delighting in my wife Linda. In order for real long term change to arise, we must have a change in attitudes. When this is done, there is increasing love for ones' wife, joy in her and temptation more easily stays away.

• Determine to only love my wife.

• Fight temptation by affirming my love for my wife.

• Trust God’s timing to fulfill my own desires and needs. This helps guard me from frustration.

• Refuse to get bitter. She might be deluded by her feelings. She needs my kindness right now. I wait for this mood to pass.

• Quickly apologize for my wrongs. I want us to work together.

• Remember God’s desire to work through both of us united.

• Remember that unless I have peace with her, God will not answer my prayers.

• The greatest joys come through being in harmony with her. The worse times are when we are acting contrary to each other.

Summary

The third life principle of oneness creates harmony. Because one doesn’t become two, then it is secure and last for a lifetime. Out from this security of love and commitment, love, joy and peace easily grow.

I am not competing and have no need to contest. We work together to get God’s work done. Instead of figuring ways to meet my own needs, I look for strategic places I can make sacrifices so that I can demonstrate my commitment to oneness. My heart has become truly joyful and satisfied. Our foundation of oneness goes deeper and deeper, eliminating cracks and fissures that were not even seen before.

'And they lived happily ever after.’ This truth is symbolized and taught through a loyal and lifelong marriage. Like a Christian who has learned the glorious spiritual truths of identification with Christ, so marriage is like a storehouse of joy and love. We only need to stay fixed on affirming the commitment to oneness. We make a commitment, and we stick to it. For life.

Appendix:

1) Our Commitment

I pledge to be a one-woman man. I have made my choice. I am married. No matter what problems I face, I trust the Lord to fulfill my life through my wife. I reject the temptations around me. I say a permanent no to my lusts. I have been called by God to unconditionally love my wife. She will be the one I delight in. She will be the one God fulfills me through.

There might be difficult times, misunderstandings or even outright rejection. I stand firm in my love for her. I trust God to enable me to keep my commitment. She will be the one I share my heart and vision with. She will be the one I cry with. I pledge to keep working on those rough spots that keep my wife from trusting my full devotion to her. At the same time I pledge to God that I will live only for Him and in that devotion give my heart to my wife. Be my security forever.

2) Our Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, I never realized how much I have messed up our marriage until now. Now I understand what ‘oneness’ means. Although you have pronounced us one, I have been living as two. I have argued and even fought with my spouse. O Lord do forgive me and thoroughly cleanse me by your blood.

From this day forth I am fully devoting myself to my spouse. I want that devotion and love to be whole and not in any way fragmented, divided or broken. From now on, I will draw on your wisdom and advice to solve difficulties or problems in my marriage. Only let me build now on oneness rather than self. Whether in bed or in the car, allow the glory and beauty of oneness to touch our hearts with Your peace, harmony, love and joy. These are what you promise and now I ask you for them. In Christ's Name, Amen.

"Put me like a seal over your heart, Like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, Jealousy is as severe as Sheol; Its flashes are flashes of fire, The very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, Nor will rivers overflow it; If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, It would be utterly despised" (Song of Solomon 8:6-7, NASB).

Study Questions

1.)   What is the third life principle?

2.)   How does an atom demonstrate this oneness?

3.)

The complete Building a Great Marriage book along with all the study questions, are available at our BFF store resource center.

The book can be downloaded worldwide or sent in printed form in the USA. Handouts, audios and videos can be purchased by downloading or mailing the BFF Marriage Library. Click here or read more below!

Read more exciting and practical articles on marriage. Just click on a link or graphic below.

Hope | Love | Submission | Oneness | Conflict | Crises | Forgiveness | Intimacy | Trust | Love works!

Biblical Foundations for Freedom ( BFF )

Rev. Paul J. Bucknell

info@foundationsforfreedom.net

Scriptures quoted from the New American Standard Bible unless noted
(C) Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1988