Restoring Hope To Your Marriage

Paul and Linda J. Bucknell

Restoration of hope | God's View of Marriage | Marriage Hope Project
Great marriages happen! | Handling Disappointment | Study Questions
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Purpose: Restoring Hope to your Marriage is part 1 of 6 which enables a couple to get back on track to having a great marriage through strengthening their hope by instruction on the biblical design of marriage.

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How would you answer the question, “What makes a great marriage?”

Many people have difficulty describing the elements of a wonderful marriage. Most of these couples have not even seen a great marriage in operation. No wonder great marriages are so rare. We have not seen them. We can not even define what one is like!

Lost Hope

If we took a survey, we would discover that not a few couples to some degree have given up hope on their marriage. We are not only speaking of the divorced or separated, but of those that are still together.

If they would be honest they would rate their marriage from bad to horrible (men typically are far more positive than their wives). Perhaps you are one of those spouses who have given up hope that things in one or more ways can get better. You are not alone.

There are signs that tell the story of your lost hope. Heart signs for poor marriages include taking one’s marriage for granted and general discontent. Disrespect and bitterness have taken place of excitement and delight for your partner.

Marriage intensifies problems

rather than solves them.

More tragic signs of betrayal include pornography and sexual affairs (whether in thought or real). When one is not content at home, he or she goes elsewhere to be distracted and often finds another person that promises more than one’s present spouse.

Things were different

But things were different before, weren’t they? Despite signs that things were not perfect between you and your fiancé, you were in the beginning willing to overlook the imperfections. You were willing to commit your life and all that you had to one another. This is because you had hope.

You believed those problems were next to nothing in comparison to being married to that special person. Perhaps being a bit naïve, you thought the problems would solve themselves by having that one marry you!

Those who have been married now see that marriage intensifies rather than solves problems! But is giving up hope the solution? Certainly not!

Restoration of Hope

Restoration of hope is the theme of this chapter. Hope does not solve problems, but it does put us on the right track so we can work out the many big and small difficulties that we face in our marriages. Without hope, you and I will avoid the problems until catastrophic decisions further erode the marriage relationship until it is destroyed.

You can order the Building a Great Marriage printed seminar materials including handouts at the BFF Resource Center. Or even better get the BFF Marriage Training Library which includes all all our marriage articles including powerpoints, audios and videos.

Some have suggested that it is good for spouses to argue (I can’t imagine Jesus communicating with His disciples in this way). They mean, I think, that at least these couples still have some hope left for their marriage. They are still communicating. Otherwise, they would not argue or fight at all.

This might be true in a limited sense, but it is not helpful to make arguments a sign of life. They certainly are not the end goal for our marriages. In that case we would end up with only boring marriages rather than great ones.

We prefer to focus on reconciliation that leads to peace and hope. Many couples do not know how to peaceably resolve things.

They have no clue as to how to work through differences and misunderstandings. The spouses only know how to preserve their privileges and rights via arguments and fights. Hope will, however, help you become the kind of spouse who will learn how to work with God in your marriage.