Song of Solomon

Growing in Intimacy: Reflections

Paul J. Bucknell

How can we develop intimate marriages?

Intimacy is hard to reach with God or one’s mate. It takes much work to obtain and sustain. There are times between a husband and wife that one is excited about growing while the other is uninterested.

There are two struggles that often take place. Perhaps if we saw them as common among sinful men, then we would not be so surprised at them. We have the frustrations of the man with the woman and then the vagueness of the process.

Let me take for instance the case when the man desires to talk and get things straight or come close in sexual intimacy but is frustrated by one of many things. The man is instantly tested to what his genuine motivation is. If in conversation, he says he wants peace and love and yet gets impatient at his wife, then he shows that he too has areas of immaturity that need to be worked through.

Yes, the wife might be stubborn or caught in one of her moods, but the man needs to be as a rock in his constant affections for his wife. At this point, we need not address the wife. She has distractions to deal with: fuzzy feelings, wide mood swings, worries, sneering rejection or just sinful indulgence that is motivating her to hold back the intimacy her husband was seeking.

The husband is to live with the utmost patience and understanding. That is love! In time, the problems with his wife will be worked out. The crucial point is that he does not cloud or otherwise complicate the issue by his sinful response. This conversation leads to our point of discussion.

I sense the Lord as the bridegroom has often tried to deepen his relationship with us, but we are so enmeshed in our own petty concerns that we cannot see or understand what He is doing. Let the frustrated husband reflect a moment on his times or hardness towards the Lord when our gracious Lord has sought to draw him closer. We were too involved in sports, too distracted making money or too attentive to gain the compliments of the world.

The Lord only had the best of interests, but we turn our hearts away from Him.