Loving One’s Wife

By Paul J. Bucknell

#3 An Exclusive Design: Whole-hearted

Unfortunately, this question is not regularly asked by more husbands! We tend to be busy covering up our tracks and hiding our failures than seeking a whole-hearted devotion for our wives alone.

When we are tempted,       our loyalty is being tested. Stand faithful!

But God's Word clearly calls us to that devoted life. If are going to protect our marriage from all the pornography, sensual talk, flirty, dirty sounds that are regularly bombarding our marriages, how will we do it? Here is a list of action items that you can do to help protect your marriage and develop your love.  1) Renew your pledge
  2) Heighten your standard
  3) Be vulnerable
  4) Judge yourself
  5) Confession time
  6) Changing direction
  7) Be accountable
  8) Be committed
  9) Constant prayer

• Renew your pledge to your wife. Although you might not have fully understood the implications of your marriage vows on your wedding day, take it seriously now and make it one of your life goals.
  "One of my life goals is to be devoted to caring for my wife."
  This approach is not only right but helps ward off many attacks that would otherwise undermine your good efforts. Go out of your way to make her feel special.

Will you take this woman to be
your lawful wedded wife, to live together according to God’s commandments? Will you assume all of the responsibilities of headship over your home? Will you love her, respect her, provide for her, comfort her, honor and cherish her, in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in adversity, and forsaking all other keep yourself for her alone so long as you both shall live?
"I will"

• Heighten your standard to what is perfect and good. This is partly done through reviewing your vows. This is further strengthened through your own study in God's Word so you can be better acquainted with His principles. Compromise always leads us closer to the slippery.
  
  This does not mean that we will not fall, but it does have a lot to do with how easy we might fall and how well we handle the recovery.
  
  

The plan is simple. Keep a tall hedge around your garden and the dogs are less likely to enter and cause problems. If there is a tall wall, then others have a problem getting in.

• Be vulnerable. If you scrutinize your own heart, then it will not be so difficult to open up with others about your real problems. Ask the Spirit of God to regularly search your heart. After this, ask your wife to help you identify your weak spots.
  

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way." Psalm 139:23,24, NASB

• Judge yourselves by the standards set in God's Word. Don't make light of any command. Anything less than what God says is sin. God is not pleased. We must immediately stop it and apologize. Often restitution cannot be made for sexual sins. We need to recognize this and apologize for causing grief to the others.
  

• Confession time. There are perhaps a number of sins you need to add to your confession sheet as you raise your standards. You are not only to mention illicit activities with those other than your spouse, but also write down and ask forgiveness for every impure thought that you had.
  

For example, Lord please forgive me for going to that bar last night looking for a 'friend.' Another example might be something simple but tragic like, "Forgive me Lord for delighting in that way that young woman wore real tight clothes today." Be specific.

• Changing direction. This means you need to change your ways. Confession without repentance is absolute meaningless.
  
  Here is a list of some activities you must stop doing right now!
  

  Porno movies
  

  Illicit sexual encounters (even with your spouse)

  Flirting (impressing those of another sex so to gain their attention)
  

  Impure thoughts that you have dwelled upon.

  Rightly handle flirtatious coworkers

• If you have led your wife into evil activities, apologize and commit yourself to leading her rightly.
  
• Get rid of all magazines that might tempt you (even sports magazines)
• Stop watching any movie, show or reading any books, papers and magazines that cause you to be greatly tempted. Maybe later in your life you will be able to hold of those temptations but don't do it when you are down. Consider yourself weak because you are. You have failed and you need to be honest at the simple things that are used to cause you to stumble.
• Any other suspicious activities.

• Be accountable. Tell your spouse and another close friend (of same sex) how you are living by your new standards. Discuss how they can regularly check on how you are doing in this area. We recommend that you choose someone who takes this area of life very seriously.
  

• Commit yourself to God's standards. Understanding and commitment are different. In the end we will be accountable to God and His Word, not what others say and expect. Many live to lesser standards than God's Word. We must not allow their lack of zeal to affect us.
  

• Be in constant prayer. What are we asking the Lord for? Do we show our commitment by regularly asking for these things? Are we really committed to those areas of life? Perhaps, we have not been diligent here.
  

In the Lord's prayer, He taught us to say,

'And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.' Matthew 6:13

Let's move on to some "What if ..." questions.=>